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[edit] Heathens put up Christmas trees, not Christians
The next time a self-righteous Christian starts talking about "keeping Christ in Christmas", be sure to remind them of Jerimiah 10:2, which says that those who display holiday trees are heathens...
- Jerimiah 10:2:
Thus saith the LORD, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them. For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe. They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not. 5 They are upright as the palm tree, but speak not: they must needs be borne, because they cannot go. Be not afraid of them; for they cannot do evil, neither also is it in them to do good.
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[edit] Eye problems? Step 1: Rip out eyeball, Step 2:???, Step 3: profit!
- Matthew 5:29:
"And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish..."
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[edit] If your hand causes you to sin, you must cut it off
- Matthew 5:30:
And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
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[edit] Lust and looking at a woman is the same as adultery
- Matthew 5:28:
But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
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[edit] Jesus' prophecies should have already come true
- Matthew 24:34, Mark 13:30, Luke 21:32 :
"Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till all these things [the end of the world] be fulfilled."
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[edit] How to identify a real Christian
According to scripture, a real follower of Jesus has some cool powers, among other things, the ability to cast out devils and demons, speak in gibberish, drink poison without becoming ill and magically heal people:
- Mark 16:17-18:
And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.
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[edit] Don't worry about how to live, eat or clothe yourself
God will take care of everything. Don't worry about it!
- Matthew 6:25:
Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?
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[edit] Make sure to add salt to the animals your sacrificially burn
- Leviticus 2:13:
Every grain offering of yours, moreover, you shall season with salt, so that the salt of the covenant of your God shall not be lacking from your grain offering; with all your offerings you shall offer salt.
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[edit] See Also
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