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Feel free to put your own religion-oriented jokes here.
Funny religion videos
- Two stupid christians - How desperate are theists who proselytize at your door?
- The atheist delusion - "Atheists are the ones who are deluded."
You Might be a Fundamentalist Christian if...
10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
9 - You feel insulted and “dehumanized” when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.
8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.
7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the “atrocities” attributed to Allah, but you don’t even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in “Exodus” and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in “Joshua” including women, children, and trees!
6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.
4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs — though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most “tolerant” and “loving.”
3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in “tongues” may be all the evidence you need to “prove” Christianity.
2 - You define 0.01% as a “high success rate” when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.
1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake.
Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town.
Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.
After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates.
The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my face they would recognize."
Why do you always take two Mormons fishing with you? Because if you only take one he will drink all your beer!
Q: How many Theists does it take to change a light bulb?
Charismatic: Only 1. Their hands are already in the air.
Pentecostal: 10. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray for protection against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterian: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None. Candles only. Put a little something in the box.
Baptist: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken next Sunday.
Episcopalian: 3. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one was.
Mormon: 5. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it properly.
Unitarian: ? We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted – all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodist: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass around.
Scientologist: Tom Cruise. We may get lucky and he’ll fall off the ladder, or will be kidnapped by Xenu.
Nazarene: 6. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutheran: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.Amish: What’s a light bulb?
A catholic priest is having a serious discussion with a small child. "You know," he says, "God is with us right now. He is all around us, he is everywhere." The child, looking amazed, patiently listens. "God created you and me. He created this world." The child becomes progressively interested. "God sent his son Christ to save us from our sins. He let his son be Crucified to spare us." The child considers reading the bible right there and then. "God forgives even the most hardened sinn-" The child's silence and interest snaps, and is replaced by curiosity. "Can he also make hardened sinners?" he asks. "Well," the Priest says, "It's not his work, but the devil's work." The child, puzzled, asks, "Then why do you need me, instead of just leaving it up to the devil to give you hardens?"
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